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| Brian O'Rourke | When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven... | |
| Anonymous | Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder. | |
| G. K. Chesterton | No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness or as good as drink. | |
| Stephen Wright | 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? | |
| Henny Youngman | When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
| Frank Sinatra | I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. | |
| Benjamin Franklin | Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. | |
| William Butler Yeats | The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. | |
| Ernest Hemingway | An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. | |
| Ernest Hemingway | Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. | |
| Dean Martin | You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. | |
| Anonymous | Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. | |
| Catherine Zandonella | Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. | |
| Anonymous | Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. | |
| W. C. Fields | I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? | |
| David Daye | If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. | |
| Oscar Wilde | Work is the curse of the drinking classes. | |
| Anonymous | Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. | |
| Tom Waits | I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. | |
| Frank Zappa | You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline- it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. | |
| Winston Churchill | Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. | |
| Plato | He was a wise man who invented beer. | |
| Jack Handy | If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. | |
| Dave Barry | Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. | |
| Humphrey Bogart | The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. | |
| Kaiser Wilhelm | Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. | |
| Homer Simpson | I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer. | |
| Dave Barry | Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. | |
| George Jean Nathan | I drink to make other people interesting. | |
| Homer Simpson | All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. |